EP 10 | YOUR BARBER IS NOW YOUR THERAPIST WITH LORENZO LEWIS AND KEVIN HINES Barber Is Now Your Therapist
Episode Summary
This episodes’ guest is a dear friend and mental health advocate, Lorenzo Lewis.
He built The Confess Project to train barbers in mental health to become advocates for people in their community. His purpose is to give back; as he reflects on his own story, people with resources can do much more towards better mental health. Lorenzo shares how his depression led to behavioral issues when he heard about his father’s passing. He also contributes to how getting help got him into a better place. In a 45-minute haircut, The Confess Project wants their clients to leave the seat better than they came in.
Join The Confess Project and see how they are helping the black communities around the nation.
About the Guest - Lorenzo Lewis
Born in jail to an incarcerated mother, Lorenzo Lewis struggled with depression, anxiety, and anger throughout his youth. At 17, he almost re-entered the system of mass incarceration he had come from. It was then he snapped in and began his journey to wellness.
It started with an education at Arkansas Baptist College, and he continued to face his emotional challenges, eventually becoming a mental health advocate. Since then, Lorenzo has spoken at numerous venues across the country—from barbershops to universities—exploring themes such as toxic masculinity, therapy taboos, and more.
A trained facilitator, speaker, and licensed suicide prevention trainer, Lorenzo is available for speaking engagements at high schools, colleges and universities, community spaces, and corporate workplaces—anywhere his message will resonate. Lorenzo is a 2020 Roddenberry Foundation Fellow and 2020 Echoing Green Fellowship finalist. Additionally, he is the recipient of the 2019 National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Multicultural Outreach Award and Richard E. Tompkins Torch Award from the Central Texas African American Family Support Conference.
Key Take-Aways
Sometimes we think tough things are normal due to our environment, community, and how we grew up.
People with mental health tools have a healthier way to approach issues.
Grief and sadness can lead to behavioral issues as part of a trauma response.
Counseling is always an option, no matter what stage of life you are in.
Confession can be a space for letting go and getting closer to your best self.
Resources
Connect with Lorenzo on Linkedin.
EP10_HINESIGHTS Podcast_LORENZO LEWIS: Audio automatically transcribed by Sonix
EP10_HINESIGHTS Podcast_LORENZO LEWIS: this mp3 audio file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.
Kevin Hines:
My name is Kevin Hines. I jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. I believe that I had to die, but I lived. Today, I travel the world with my lovely wife, Margaret, sharing stories of people who have triumphed over incredible adversity. Now, we help people be here tomorrow. Welcome to the HINESIGHTS Podcast.
Kevin Hines:
RI International and Behavioral Health Link are providers of the crisis now model transforming crisis services for behavioral emergencies, RI International tends to the mental health crisis of the individuals in 10 states across the United States and internationally to provide support and care for people during the lowest point in their lives. Behavioral Health Link operates crisis call center services, dispatches GPS-enabled mobile crisis services to homes and community locations, and offers the country's most trusted crisis system software care traffic control. The time to transform crisis care services is now. Find out more at CrisisNow.com.
Kevin Hines:
Hi, Lorenzo.
Lorenzo Lewis:
Hey, Kevin what's going on, man? Glad, glad to be here.
Kevin Hines:
It's good to see you. We are here with champion change, trailblazer in this field, mental health advocate, and just an all-around human being and a great friend. Lorenzo P. Lewis, thank you for joining us today.
Lorenzo Lewis:
Absolutely. Hey, it's a pleasure. I'm glad to be here and again. As we know, being my brother's keeper is definitely something that we want to continue to embody around our community. So I'm really glad that you're doing this man.
Kevin Hines:
Thank you. Of course, we're doing it together. We're a team.
Lorenzo Lewis:
Absolutely.
Kevin Hines:
We're all in this world together, trying to make a difference.
Lorenzo Lewis:
That's it. That's it.
Kevin Hines:
Lorenzo, can you tell me about your upbringing and what led you down the path to eventually create the confessed project?
Lorenzo Lewis:
Well, you know, honestly, Kevin, it was one of those opportunities where I didn't realize my journey and how it would impact change, so I just thought I was always going through a rough time. I realized that I lost my mother and father early on. I learned early on in my youth that when my mother was incarcerated, I was born, so I was born in the prison. And beyond that, I was incarcerated at the age of 17 for a firearm. And so I just always felt like this was a normal thing to happen, simply because of my environment, my community. You know, it very much reflects a lot of men and my family members, right first in my family to really go to college, get a degree, particularly, I didn't grow up across the street from, you know, doctors and attorneys, and so it was a normal reaction of what I was going through and which I feel was super normal. And I realized that that trauma was really impacted me. It really led me on a journey of wanting to understand more about that. And so I landed a job first working in the juvenile corrections, and that led me to working in the mental health field. And that in itself allowed me to see that there was a space to build for young black men, for the black community around mental health. And so it took me back. Also, you know, as a kid, I grew up in my aunt's beauty salon. Every day I went there after school, again taking that for granted, I went to the shop every day because that's what I was supposed to do. And going to the beauty shop, I realized that those women and men that was coming there were truly being transformed simply from the relationships, the conversation they had. They would feed people. They would clothe folks. They would do different things for the community, and they just did it because it was the right thing to do. And so they all those experiences culminated to Confess Project, is now a national movement that trains barbers at the epicenter of being mental health advocates. So I took my personal and my professional journey and really made it now what is a reality for men behind the chair, giving positive advice about sharing stories and that leads to people unlocking their best potential?
Kevin Hines:
That's no, why, why is it so important to you, Lorenzo, to give back to the mental health community?
Lorenzo Lewis:
A lot of it is really thinking about my younger self. You know, if my aunt and uncle, they did everything they could. You know, my mother and father was separated from me and I grew up with them. And I feel that if they had the tools that they needed to have when I was at my ... in my younger self that, I think they would have done more, but I think they didn't have no idea of how to do it. I think a lot of it was obvious when we recognized the stigma, not wanting to accept what it is feeling that it was maybe something, you know, spiritual, we could pray away, or I think a lot of it was obviously just the lack of knowledge, you know, in our communities, they're not really teaching them sometimes on how to, how to deal with it or that may come across the language may be too heavy. And so that is what inspires me is because I know better, you know, I've had the experience. I've worked now in the sector and I understand the language. And so this is something that I can do for young people, for families, and allowing them through hard work to be transformed for them to see, you know, their potential while unlocking it. I think we just get to do really great things for the people around me, so.
Kevin Hines:
So going back to your personal journey, what did you go through mentally that erupted in you, this passion to give back?
Lorenzo Lewis:
You know, honestly, it was the turning point, when I started The Confess Project it was, I started realizing that I wanted to do this, and so I recognized that my story was very important and it was just going into the barbershop. And it started as me telling that journey about when I was incarcerated, about at the age of 10, when I went into a mental health facility because I lost my dad. And so grief took me to a lot of behavior issues and a lot of these things, I had to really reflect back. And so all these experiences led me to just going into the barbershop telling that story in the first part of it. And that story really connected with people there. And I believe that really would help to start building the momentum of what we do now. And so now it's like, OK, well, stories are at the heart of this. But also, what else can we give them? We can give them tools. And that's why we say, hey, active listening is a tool or validation as a tool and reducing stigma too, eradicate negative self-talk as a tool. So by doing this, it really inspires me, but inspires them because they're telling stories during the 45 minutes of a haircut service, right? So this is power is being unlocked in a way that probably wouldn't happen, so we're really giving them something that they already have, but really giving it something more clear and something that's really flushed out.
Kevin Hines:
Now, going back to the harder time when you lost your father, then you had those behavioral issues. Can you dig a little bit deeper and share with us if you're comfortable?
Lorenzo Lewis:
Absolutely.
Kevin Hines:
What were those behavioral issues? So the people watching, especially young black men watching know what to look for and their parents know what to look for in situations like these, when a young black male is grieving and they're hurting inside and they're in desperate pain and they're acting out, what do, what do they do?
Lorenzo Lewis:
Yeah. So a lot of it was, you know, it was the hysterical nature that took place receiving that phone call, it was probably Saturday morning, roughly five o'clock in the morning. And I hear this real loud scream from my aunt yelling, you know, and saying that my father had passed. You know, that moment itself really takes me back to just thinking about the chill bumps, the anxiety, you know, being nervous. And that was a part of a trauma response, right, not understanding that, wow, I'm really experiencing this, but that same feeling those emotions would last over a period of time. And so anytime I would hear somebody yell or any time I would hear the phone ringing at a certain time of the night, I got that same response, and that's a part of trauma. And I don't think a lot of people really understand that. And so while understanding that was going on, that led me to get into a lot of trouble in school, not listening to the teacher or do my work, would argue back, get into fights, would become destructive, this in itself was a part of depression. The early onset part of depression in which I was going through impulsivity, anger issues, you know, wasn't critically thinking, you know, mood swings. And so that really was some of the day-to-day and very often behavior that I experienced, and again, nobody thought that it was nothing going on, you know, and it was just oh, it'll pass, we want to pray, we're going to figure out a way to get through this. And so that was with some feelings. And if there's people out here that's experiencing those type of emotions, and I just would advise anybody who's going through those different turbulent times to really pay attention to their body to the way that they feel, the way that their mind is functioning because that was an opportunity where I could have gotten more help, and so that led me to get, you know, some help later on, being brought into a facility, but I also think that it was super important that we can explain it to our broader communities about how that works.
Kevin Hines:
What was it like having you in the in-patient unit at 10 years of age? Tell me that.
Lorenzo Lewis:
It was really, it was very informal. You know this, this was a place that actually offered a lot of life skills. They also offered know how to canoe, how to fish, how to take care of yourself as a young person. So the way that that was done was also through a very one-on-one peer-related education instruction. You had a counselor. You, you, you had to stay there. So it wasn't a very formal in-patient facility, but it was definitely getting treatment. And you know, away from home, 10 years old can only go home, sometimes on the weekends. I couldn't. And so that lasted for a few months. And so that was right after my father passed. And so I realized that that was a very scary moment and I felt probably the most abandoned out of any of that time because here you go, somebody lose a parent. And then also, they have to go to a facility, or a place with people that they don't know for a period of months. And so that's very disheartening. And I think a lot of people are experiencing those, that separation anxiety, some of those different things that come along with going through grief, maybe processing it or having to, you know, maybe go through a different, a different way of going through healing. And so even though I was healing at my 10 year old self, I also felt really lost and abandoned as well because it was still, it wasn't a connection of why this was actually happening. It was just more of, well, you know, you're going through just some negative, a hard time, and so I think that having clarity of that now really helps to accept that, that was part of something that needed to happen, right, that we, we go through grief, counseling is an option, you know, we need to explore other things. And so I hope that that story inspires others to not just deal with just feeling, but also to getting some help if they need help.
Kevin Hines:
I have to ask you, where did the name of Confess Project come from?
Lorenzo Lewis:
You know, honestly, I never forget it was probably a Wednesday night, I was at my aunt's kitchen table, and I had this vision of wanting to do something beyond, at the time what was called work in Corporate America. And I was ready to really live more of my purpose. And at that moment, I started to really explore, well, what is it that I can do? So at that moment, I realized that, that there was something that really was inside of me around wanting to change the way that I had some of the things that I went through, or maybe make them better. And so The Confess Project name was really originated from, at that time, was found in the scripture, I was reading the Bible and it was somewhere in Genesis at the time. And I, to this day, I still can't remember where, because the name is mentioned very often across multiple disciplines, you know, at different communities. And so but I also knew that confess was a release, that it was something, once you confessed, you become your best. And so with that release, you become a better version of yourself, you are on the journey to healing. So that's where I really took that in, to being able to do that.
Kevin Hines:
Where do you see The Confess Project three, four or five years from now?
Lorenzo Lewis:
You know, in the next three years, our goal is to expand, multiple satellite offices, multiple affiliates, you know, training multiple barbers to reaching over millions of people across some of the larger metropolitan cities in the United States. I think long-term, we want to see that our work is international, that we can also take our work to countries in which the African diaspora is very fluent and it's very much more needed. We realize that beyond our states, that our countries are also reckoning with mental health support. And so we want to see that this can be an international and global brand, and I feel that it very well fits into the things that our country really needs right now in this moment.
Kevin Hines:
I think, you step back for me, really understand, and for the listeners listening, can you give a broader explanation of what is The Confess Project for the people that want to learn about it and want to get involved? They want to help you, help other people find out, what is The Confess Project and how is it helping people?
Lorenzo Lewis:
The Confess Project, I always recognize it is, just is this grassroots movement that's uniquely showing up in places where men and families are often it. I think a lot of times we look for people to obviously be at school, to be in institutions, and they're very much there. But I think oftentimes we forget of community being in barbershops, being in salons. And so The Confess Project is this place that's taking a unique opportunity, recognizing, it's a civil rights era played a huge part in the barbershop, first and foremost, taking that same historical context and training barbers to be mental health advocates. So we're taking in a historical era and transforming it to a current moment of getting people aware, getting them some help if needed, but giving them peer support. And I think that's the most important part of this and The Confess Project, ultimately, it impact stages in a forty-five minute interval of barber cutting the client's hair, that person can actually leave the chair and feel better and do better than what they were before. And I don't know if any other place, other than going to counseling, that that can happen. And so we're taking advantage of those minutes and those moments and really it's, you know, taking it to another level. And so that's the impact of this happening. And, you know, all give and takes our barbers sometimes seeing 20 people a week. I imagine we think about one in five Americans more likely to have a mental illness. You know, young black men under the age of 20, suicide's the third one cause of death. If we're taking advantage of the barber chair and those clients that are coming in and out of those, at this point becoming a national movement, we will see that those numbers will be changed and that we will have a better quality of life.
Kevin Hines:
This is the best kind of positive resolution we can think of.
Lorenzo Lewis:
Yeah.
Kevin Hines:
This is something where you're expanding regularly, you're growing every day, helping more people, you're help black Americans find the light in the tunnel and the people of color, and everyone in between, you're giving back to the community in a way that is pretty magical. How does that make you feel when you see the success and the growth continuing to occur with The Confess Project?
Lorenzo Lewis:
Yeah. You know, I think a lot of it is I'm still taking it in day-by-day. I still don't think I've taken in the full level of impact that it has. You know, we've recently come here to Atlanta. You know, Atlanta has four million people here in the metro Atlanta area, imagining then, over time taking advantage of that geographical expansion and population and saying that we will change the way that mental health care is, you know, shows up for communities of color, particularly for black communities. And so I think that's remarkable, to take a place as Atlanta, Georgia and thinking about what is the other larger metropolitan cities look like, can we do this in New York? Can we do this in L.A.? Absolutely! Because at this point now we have more people and we realize that a lot of this data that we're going out collecting, we think about over a period of time that, you know, we really can be game-changers. And I think it gives me hope. It gives me hope in understanding that we will reach people, and sometimes I may not meet them personally. But I know that the barbers that we're in contact with, that they're in good hands because they've had the interaction and the training in incredible support through our organization, and so that one that gives me hope, is that the men's lives are being transformed. They're transforming children and families' lives in a barbershop, you know, uniquely daily, and that's really exciting.
Audience Member:
So ... what would you like to see in our culture for the suicide prevention and behavioral health movement? What are some changes that are necessary that you actually would like to see?
Lorenzo Lewis:
That's a good question. You know, personally, I can see that the mental health and suicide prevention landscape could, you know, a lot of times we talk about being culturally competent, understanding that, you know, communities come from a different lens. What I see, a part of that movement is to really pay attention to the small things that are happening. So like The Confess Project is still even a small movement now, and we're going to continue to grow to become a larger movement over time. And I think that there's a lot of unique people, organizations, people with great ideas that have new ways to do things and helping people innovatively. And I believe that a lot of our system in the way that we've may have always traditionally done things, maybe time to really take a pivot. And so when I challenge the suicide and mental health behavior movement is to take that pivot and whatever that may look like, sometimes that may be as hard, you know, when the, when the DSMBs and some of these, you know, very credible publications and trainings were really made, we're in a much different time in climate now in America, where a pivot is definitely necessary. And so whether that's being a part of endorsing The Confess Project's movement, or maybe that's a part of supporting someone else's movement that's working with women and girls or with veterans. I think we're definitely at a time we're pivoting and thinking outside the box is the reality now and getting people to care that they deserve.
Kevin Hines:
You know, that makes perfect sense because we're looking at a society that has been using 60 year old suicide prevention techniques. We need to adjust and we need to come to the forefront of what it's going to be the future of suicide prevention, mental health. And I do believe that it will be the peer advocates, the pure mental health folks and the personal protectors that get people to safety in times of dire need and suicidal racism. So what you're doing is commendable.
Audience Member:
What is the first thing you do in the morning?
Kevin Hines:
The first thing I do in the morning is... On a good morning is I, I try to wake up, meditate, you know, I'm a man of faith and prayer. So I, I always try to take the time and do that. More recently, I've been working with a trainer, and so I'm trying to now engage into understanding that my physical health is connected to my mental health. So mostly grappling with getting up at four or five o'clock in the morning now, right, it really taking this step into making this journey really a more holistic approach, so.
Audience Member:
When I say a word or phrase, the first thing you think of, OK? Survival.
Lorenzo Lewis:
Hope.
Audience Member:
Favorite place in the world.
Lorenzo Lewis:
Canada.
Audience Member:
Recovery.
Lorenzo Lewis:
Resilience.
Audience Member:
Support.
Lorenzo Lewis:
Help.
Audience Member:
Hope.
Lorenzo Lewis:
Power.
Audience Member:
Love.
Lorenzo Lewis:
More.
Audience Member:
Living or dead, who would you most like to have dinner with?
Lorenzo Lewis:
Hmm. Michael Jackson.
Audience Member:
When, where, were you the happiest?
Lorenzo Lewis:
When and where was I the happiest? When I first, when my daughter was born. I think that would be recognizable now. When I would, I would say, was, yeah, I would say my daughter, my daughter being born and her having life now, being able to see you.
Audience Member:
So who are the civil rights leaders that you look up to?
Lorenzo Lewis:
You know, I really admire a lot of our, you know, blazed, the Trail Blazers that's been in the civil rights movement. I think recognizably, you know, Dr. King comes to mind, you know, Malcolm X, you know, Marcus Garvey, these are leaders that I think I really have studied, their philosophy and their leadership in ways that I think has been able to make a difference in our country. I know there's so many more that I can mention, but those few that will come across, so.
Kevin Hines:
Why do you care so much about changing path, particularly young, black men?
Lorenzo Lewis:
You know, I believe that it's, because I can see myself, right, into a lot of the young people, men. You know, I have, I have a .... You know, my mother is a black woman, my grandmother, I think more particularly is I realize that the matriarchs of our families, how young men are connected to the matriarchs and the way that I felt about my mother and my father, my siblings. I know that beyond that is also the identity of being a young black man and how to navigate beyond that support, but really seeing myself in them, right? And so a lot of that, I think, is and I made so many different mistakes early on, I made a lot of careless decisions. And so providing the mental health support that we do really allows them to make better decisions. You know, trauma does affect the way that you feel, the way that you see things, the way that you interact. And so the work that we do really will allow people to become better people just at the core, right, not necessarily getting mental health support, maybe they're just going to become a better listener, a better caregiver, a better husband, a better, you know, associate, somebody that works ... And so I'm excited that that's what we give off beyond getting someone to a therapist is that they will become better men and better people.
Kevin Hines:
Well, actually, one final question, faith is important to me, which is the end here. Can you tell me a story, however long or short, about someone that you know who has been heavily impacted by The Confess Project in a positive way? You don't have to use their name in there.
Lorenzo Lewis:
Absolutely. Yeah, it was a gentleman at an institution back home, in a college that we worked with, and we had done some workshops with a particular barber, a barbershop that we worked with back home in Little Rock, Goodfellas Barber Shop ... And this gentleman had been to a few of the training sessions, and little that we know that when he came, well he was coming there to just get a haircut, most of the time, he was always getting will get caught up in the midst of being there at the training of the week. We would do our training during the midst of an operational time in the barbershop and not knowing that he was struggling, obviously from some loss that he had, lost his mother early on, you know, very turbulent relationship with his father, wasn't doing well in the school, was really on the verge of really wanting to give up. And after being there, being in that space, seeing black men really talk about mental health, talk about what does it look like to be free? What does it look like to be, to be their best self? And really, I believe that inspired him because he said he's never seen anybody actually open up and be so vulnerable. And so that led that gentleman to going into care, you know, actually going into, at the time, a clinical trial that led him to get therapy, get on medication, has really been a champion. And so what if we hadn't have been at that barbershop? Right? Imagine what we know now is people losing hope, now, maybe want to take their life by suicide or maybe not wanting to exist anymore, that gentleman had an opportunity because we were there to lead him on the path of healing. And so I'm excited that we were also intentional about working with providers, working with partners to get him into the treatment that was needed. And so that's a story in itself that I recognize is can happen all over America. There are so many people at that turning point that just need someone to help them to get to the other side so they can be their best self.
Kevin Hines:
Ok, we've got a minute and 30 seconds and tell the viewers who are in pain, just give them a message of hope...
Lorenzo Lewis:
Okay. Right now, there are people across the country that are really struggling. Maybe you're going through a hard time at this moment, maybe we're dealing with something right now in the middle of a pandemic, or maybe it's from a loss, and beyond that, there's always hope on the side. There's a quote that I always like to mention from Martin Luther King, "darkness doesn't drive out darkness, only light can do that", so as we continue to live in a light and knowing that there's light on the other side of the tunnel, that there's always a possibility of becoming our best self and realizing that whatever the pain is that you're dealing with and work remarkably in how that's maybe taking over your spirit to know that that's always light and possibilities. And just to continue the fight to get to that light, and I can see that there's only great things to come and blossom from it.
Lorenzo, thank you very much.
Lorenzo Lewis:
I appreciate it.
Kevin Hines:
.... Amazing.
Kevin Hines:
Margaret and I love sharing stories of people who have triumphed over incredible adversity. For more content and inspiration, go to KevinHinesStory.com or visit us on all social media at KevinHinesStory or on youtube.com/KevinHines.
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