Ep 28 | NO MORE BULLYING: MAKAILA NICHOLS

Episode Summary

This episode’s guest is one of Kevin’s close friends. 

She wrote a memoir and two other children’s books and started her own foundation, Blatantly Honest, please welcome Makaila Nichols! The opening of her memoir is not only profound but raw and it should be read by everyone that has been bullied at some point in their lives. Besides bullying, she has gone through sexual assault, suicide attempts, and addictions. She encourages everyone not to suffer in silence, speaking up will make the process much easier. 

Makaila decided that her pain was going to build her instead of destroying her. Tune in to this heart-felt episode and listen to her journey!

About the Guest - Mak Nichols

At age 23,  Makaila is the founder of a 501c3 called the Blatantly Honest Foundation, national speaker, podcaster, and best-selling author of “Blatantly Honest: Normal Teen, Abnormal Life.” In her book, she shares her personal struggles with issues teens may encounter such as: bullying, body image, sexual assault, peer pressure, and more. To meet the needs of her younger audience, she has also created two children's coloring books focused on anti-bullying and positive body image: "Buddies Don't Bully" and "Every Body is Beautiful." Thanks to generous sponsors from Central Florida, Makaila and her sponsors have donated over 11,000 coloring books to over 18 elementary schools and St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. 

To reach an even larger audience, Makaila has a podcast series called "Blatantly Honest with Makaila Nichols" that focuses on changing the stigmas behind teen social issues. She is able to accomplish this by chatting with celebrities, influencers, and experts about their own struggles and triumphs.

Makaila also shares her story in person. She travels the country to speak to elementary, middle, and high school students about bullying, body image, sexual assault, mental health, and suicide prevention. Aside from working with the youth, she also hosts events to provide insight for parents, teachers, organizations, and more.


Key Take-Aways

  • Unfortunately, there will always be people that will either hate you or have destructive criticism towards what you do. 

  • Like the saying says: “hurt people hurt people.” 

  • Even sadness and pain make you stronger. 

  • No one can take away the fact that you are a survivor. 

  • Self-awareness is key to overcoming anything in life. 

  • Everyone can have more than one purpose in life. 

  • Everything that is posted online can be traced. 

Resources

Ep 28_MAK NICHOLS_NO MORE BULLYING: Audio automatically transcribed by Sonix

Ep 28_MAK NICHOLS_NO MORE BULLYING: this mp3 audio file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.

Kevin Hines:
My name is Kevin Hines. I jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. I believe that I had to die, but I lived. Today, I travel the world with my lovely wife, Margaret, sharing stories of people who have triumphed over incredible adversity. Now, we help people be here tomorrow. Welcome to the HINESIGHTS podcast.

Kevin Hines:
What is cracking, Hope Nation? It's your friendly neighbor, Kevin Hines, and this is yet again another episode of the HINESIGHTS podcast. Where we try to help people in brain pain find hope to be here tomorrow and every single day after that. I am joined today by an amazing individual who is extremely accomplished and wrote our first book at 18, her memoir, and then two more children's books after that. But she's reached far and wide to help people with their mental health, anti-bullying, and helping people with body positivity. She's an actress, a model, an activist, and an advocate, and she's just an all-around amazing individual. She's my friend. Mak Nichols. Mak Welcome to the show!

Mak Nichols:
Oh Kevin, thank you so much for having me. It's an honor to be on your podcast.

Kevin Hines:
I appreciate that. I want to get right into it, you know, this book of yours, Blatantly Honest, definitely rocked some worlds. And after reading it, it really affected me as well. You know, I have to tell you it's about being bullied partially, it's about all the things you've been through, but you really define it in a way that is that connects to the reader. If they'd ever been through any similar situation, I want to talk to you about that. I want to read, first of all, the inside cover, because it's, just clearly states what you went through. And I wanted to share this and I want to get your thoughts on it, if you don't mind. All right, here we go. These are some quotes that you start off with the inside cover and just, warning for folks listening, this conversation is going to deal with bullying, anti-bullying, some suicidal ideations, and things like that. We have to talk about these things is they're important. It says you're in quotes, "Makaila is the biggest whore at school." Another quote, "eat some food, you look disgusting." Another quote, "kill yourself. No one likes you anyway." Another quote, "I hope you die" Makaila says these are some of the insults I've recorded from social media. Some of them were said by close friends, others by people I never spoken to. Yet all of these words form the false projection of who I am as a person. For the record, I do eat food, I will die someday, and no, I don't sleep around. I doubt the people who cared so little for me in high school will care enough now to listen to what I have to say in this book, but I listened. I listened, and I remember every painful word. I wrote it all down. Their words fueled my life's fire, and my journey to heal from those words allowed me to blossom into who I am today. Let's just stop right there and talk a little bit about how you opened your book, because I think it's profound. I think that every person that's ever been bullied needs to read this book. I think that every bully, who's ever been the perpetrator needs to read this book to see what they've done to the people they've left behind. So can you, can you kind of talk about that just to start us off?

Mak Nichols:
Yeah, you know, Kevin, I really love that you chose to read the inside cover. No one has ever done that before. and I really, you know, the words just resonated, even just hearing them like, it's different when someone else reads those words that were said to me and I was like, wow, those are the things that people wanted to kind of attack and writing this book and just kind of being in this situation now of kind of surviving it, I think is one thing I never thought I would do to say the least. So to kind of kick everything off, it's just been and hear those words that you just spoke so eloquently and it's like, I feel like that's a different version of myself, you know, it's just kind of crazy to think about that was the Makaila dealing with it in that moment and how far I've come since then.

Kevin Hines:
And let's be clear, like people don't always know this about you. You wrote that book when you were 18 years old. You were a young author, a young entrepreneur, you love working, you even talk in the book about some addictions you have, including working too hard, you know, being a workaholic, and we'll get into that down the road, and I've got a lot of things I want to talk to you about that that come straight from the book. But yes, you've been on this journey, you've been on this path. But let me ask you a question, when you look back on the bullying you experienced as a teen in high school and we're getting into some of the other things you experienced as well as it's very profound and very damaging to you as a person, but that you overcame or you are in the process of overcoming every day, what do you do now to continue to move past what, what's happened in those days in high school? How did you get to where you are today dealing with the pain that you experience in those days?

Mak Nichols:
You know, the pain I experienced when I was younger was horrible. And especially when you're that young, when you're a teenager, when you're in middle school, even as like a young adult, I mean, you think it's like, this is it, this is it. It's not going to get any better. I'm not going to get any better. This isn't going to stop. And you know, Kevin, I still deal with bullies to this exact day. And there's days when like, I don't want to get out of that and it's like, here I am trying to make the world a better place, and there's always going to be someone that just hates you, and for what? So being able to remind myself that, you know, what's the saying? Hurt people hurt people, and that despite people hurting people, I can somehow kind of manifest, you know, remind myself why I'm doing what I'm doing, how I didn't think I was going to get through that particular situation, and guess what? I did, like, I found my purpose and my passion, and then I'm here for a reason. And so even though that trauma sometimes I find it in myself and like, it's still there, I choose to continue to move forward and more importantly, to help others, because at the end of the day, that's all we really can do.

Kevin Hines:
I'm in total agreement. Sometimes we can't move on from pain. There's a very big difference for moving on from pain and moving forward, like looking to the living and moving forward and for the people I work with because I intended to take my life for the year 2000, as you know, we talked about that on your podcast, I jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge, I survived that fall, but what if I had died? I think about that often. I think about the fact that all the people that have lost loved ones to suicide, I've lost 11 people, you've lost who you love and care about, and I think about those people and how we have to look to the living and move forward. We may not be able to move on from the suicide or the death in the family, but we can look to the living and move forward and find ways to cope inside the pain. But I want to go back to your book here, because I made some ... points in it and I want to just touch upon them. The first thing I want to talk about is in the acknowledgments page, you thank all the people that helped you get to where you are, but in the very last sentence you say, "above all, I would like to thank those who did not believe in me. They have given me the motivation to do more, be more and expect more from myself and to those who choose to stand on my side, thank you." That is epic. Not only that it's like a big thumbs, but you're saying thank you for giving me strength from my pain. And that is powerful, Makaila, when kids read this as they have many, probably thousands or even millions around the world who've read this, when they read this and they've look at that, and they take it all in, they can realize I can stand anything that comes in my way. I can defeat it, I can defeat my pain and I can survive. Tell us about why you wrote that sentence.

Mak Nichols:
You know, when I wrote that sentence, you're right, I was a little bit angry at those who, you know, it was one of those kind of giant, you know, whatever to someone. And I look back and I just say I would not be in this situation had I not gone through that. And I'm so grateful. I'm, am I happy that I experienced a lot of pain and am I happy that I had had those thoughts of suicide and ending my own life and my happy that I was bullied, no. However, I'm happy that I was strong enough to get through that moment, and despite all the crap that happened to me, I'm so thankful that I was able to find it within myself and I want to have a best ... And I want to have a foundation if it wasn't for the people that wanted to see me fail. And I'm grateful for them, really, I truly am, because they did not stop me from going after my dreams.

Kevin Hines:
I love that. As a matter of fact, you decided, you decided a long time ago, and I say this to people at my speeches all the time, you decided a long time ago to not let your pain defeat you, you decided to let it build you brick by brick from the ground up until you were stronger than ever, and that is tremendous. Let's get more into this because there's more of this book that I want to share with people. You have a chapter in this book, and I'm going to go straight to Chapter Five, and this is a tough chapter for anyone to write. And you know what I'm talking about. The title of this chapter is Sexual Assault, and you dealt with that and you live with that and you struggle with being silenced by your assault. You're sailing. And you say in the book, I'm just going to quote this, this couple of sentences here then we'll talk about it, "when thinking about safety, the only thing children seem to understand is avoiding taking candy from strangers, watching for cars and generally staying away from things that burn to hurt them. They never really consider someone walking in their lives and destroying their innocence because they live in the moment. For children, especially, the present is about happily avoiding danger that they never truly believed will strike." You go on to say in that chapter, a couple of things are you go on, you go on to talk about an individual that you thought was your friend who started physically and sexually abusing you. And you go on to talk about how it came out and people believed, people assumed and believed and perpetuated that you slept around and you were some kind of slut as they say, there's a horrible to call any young lady in the world, but you were not that at all. But they perpetuated this lie and they tried to ruin you, but you didn't let it defeat you. Tell me how you got through this pain because I can only imagine this is some of the most desperate pain you'd ever been in, to that whole process.

Mak Nichols:
It was a horrible process. I mean, especially for someone who, you know, no one knew the truth, and I was so, honestly, I was kind of ashamed of what had happened to me because I was an innocent kid. And I, you know, I thought, you know, sex and all this stuff was like rainbows and butterflies. And I never wanted my innocence taken from me like that in that regard, because honestly, it messed me up and I still struggle with it to this very day, and as a young woman being called a whore, being called a slut, being called all these things, I honestly, Kevin, I didn't know what those words mean, like meant because I was so young, I literally had to look them up because I had not one idea what they were, and that's suddenly I was becoming that. And then you're told something over and over and over again, and guess what? You start to believe it. And so maybe it's like, well, maybe I am. Maybe I put myself in a situation, maybe I deserved that. And it was so hard to come to grips with the term, like, Makaila is a whore, like I was not. And how do I prove that I'm not? And more importantly, how do I remain who I was because I forgot who Makaila Nichols was and I lost sight of who I was. I felt like I did not matter anymore. I felt like I was literally violated. I felt like, who am I if I'm not these things, then who am I? And you know, I always say I was a victim of sexual assault, but now I'm a survivor and no one can take that away from me.

Kevin Hines:
And that being said, you don't play the victim card, you don't talk about being a victim, you talk about overcoming pain and that's really powerful. Your message, especially to young girls, who go through something like this, it can show them that even though they go through something like this, they can become something stellar, amazing, and great, and phenomenal. They just work tirelessly to make it so. And this incident or these incidents don't have to define them, which is amazing. Let's get right back into the book again. I want to talk about this sentence you have because I really appreciate this. I mean, I really appreciate that you wrote this for people to see how they can move forward from some kind of pain like this. Same chapter, "I forgive my attacker. I refuse to carry the burden of anger and hatred because of choices he made. I want to be able to move on with my life, and the thought of that evil will not defeat me." Makaila, that part right there brought me to tears, tears, brought me to tears. How did you do that and what did you feel when you wrote that?

Mak Nichols:
You know, I have so many different emotions. I mean, going through surviving sexual assault and surviving, I mean, this is like a long, lengthy process and feeling silenced and feeling all these things, and then coming to, I had so much hate in my heart, I wanted to see this person fail, I wanted to see horrible things happen to this person. And then I thought to myself, I believe in God, I really do. And if someone listening doesn't, that's entirely your opinion. But for me, I turn to myself and I said, I don't have a room in my heart for hate, and I believe that karma, that God, that whatever you believe, something will happen to this person is no longer my place to have this anger because at the end of the day, they don't care what they did and why should I let their choice ruin me more than it did? And so I chose to say, I forgive them. I mean, you can forgive, you don't have to forgive, I will never forget. But in that moment I said, you know what? It's done, it has happened, and I'm just going to move on. And for me to be stronger, I said, Makaila, like, you need to accept what has happened, you don't have to forget it, but you have to forgive because if you hold on to this anger for the rest of your life, it's going to impact your relationships, how you view yourself and more importantly, just trying to move past trauma in the best way I knew how, which was acceptance and forgiveness.

Kevin Hines:
Wow. So powerful. So moving. Pardon me so important to show people that no matter the pain they've been through and who's perpetuated that pain, who's been a part of that painful moment, you can move on by forgiving them. You know, this is a great story. Years ago, there was an Amish family that lived in there in their own community, And someone came in and brutally murdered many of the folks, the kids in one of the churches there. And I'll never forget watching them on TV, as the leader of their community came on moments after it happened and said the assailant is forgiven. This is our nature. This is our belief. This is our faith. He is forgiven for what he did for taking our children. I could not imagine if I had a child with my wife that I would be able to do that. I would hope I could, but I don't. I don't know because I don't have a child. Our child, we had a miscarriage. Jack Ryan lived eight weeks and no more. He wasn't intended to be here in physical form, but all the people watching and listening to this are, they're intended to be here because we're talking to them, they are listening to this, they're hearing the words we're saying, so they know they're supposed to be here, never to die by suicide or by their hands. There's so many youth that are doing these days because of bullying, similar to bullying that you went through. Let's get right back into the book. You know, Makaila, we've met, we've had dinner with or lunch with my wife, I've been on your podcast, you're an amazing individual doing amazing things, but this, this part caught me actually off guard and it shouldn't have caught me off guard, but I'm glad that you wrote about it, honestly. It's on page 106, it's in the chapter titled Drug Addictions and it says my addictions and you break down the awkward ice of admitting that you have addictions too. You say that your addictions are not life altering, they do not call for medical attention, however, they do affect your everyday life. You talk about number one, coffee, number two doing sets of two with OCD, that will get into, number three, working, number four, cellphone, and five social media. And then you talk about overcoming addiction. Can you break down some of your addictions and how they, how they came to be and what you've done to kind of cope with them today?

Mak Nichols:
Yeah, that's a great question. I mean, I think at that age and obviously, I was 18 when I wrote that book, and I think like moving on, and I've struggled with some other things in my life, but I'm aware that it's kind of becoming a problem. I mean, for instance, social media, I would spend countless hours scrolling, trying to feel validated, I mean, there's a line in a Chainsmoker's song I don't know if you know the Chainsmokers, but great band.

Kevin Hines:
Yeah.

Mak Nichols:
I think the song is Honest. Maybe not Honest. Anyway, one of the lines is "how many likes is my life worth?" And I heard that line and I was like, oh my god, that whole so much truth, because our youth and I mean with me, I was so consumed with social media because I felt like I had to be the best, I had to look the best, I had to sound the best, I had to post the best parts of my life, and for what? I mean, I think social media is a serious addiction because we're comparing ourselves to others, which is horrible for your mental health, we're trying to put on a mask and we're losing sight of who we are. Obviously, my cell phone is literally right next to me right now, I am always trying to look at it. I've gotten a lot better and maybe it's not better because I all open something, forget about it, come back to it. And I've never like that. Like, I was always like, oh my god, I got to answer right now, I got a text, I got to do this, and I've really learned just sometimes put down the phone because it impacts, I mean, you go to dinner, right, and you're sitting with someone and they're just like playing on their phone and I'm like, no one is present with each other anymore. So it's really becoming aware of your addictions, obviously, you know, if you're dealing with drugs, alcohol, other stuff that, that's more serious and harder to break. But I think those habits that we make every day, and if you have an addictive personality, which I do, I have that, that addictive genes so they say, and I've become aware of it because it's like I need to set limits for myself, so I don't create a full-blown addiction into something that could be very detrimental.

Kevin Hines:
Yeah. And that self-awareness is key to overcoming what you're going through. But you talk in detail about coffee and about,

Kevin Hines:
I'm not sure if this is still an issue with you, but you talking about how coffee is a drug, it's a drug and how it affects the brain chemistry and how it affects the body and the mind and even the gut biomes, we've talked about how easily it is to become addicted to coffee. Will you tell us about your journey through coffee addiction, where you are now, even if it's the same, and what you would recommend to people who are drinking too much coffee?

Mak Nichols:
So coffee for me, I used to have, I don't know, like three or four cups a day. Now, I try to stop myself at two. I have found that sometimes I don't have coffee like I get a headache, I can deal with that kind of caffeine withdrawal. And that's something like crazy. You don't think coffee and you're like, addiction, boom, you know? But it is. And it's so right. I mean, everything we put in our body is impacting our brain, is impacting our gut, you know, I wish I didn't have to drink coffee, but I feel like I still kind of do. I mean, I let's be honest, sometimes we all need an afternoon pick me up and I'm glad it's coffee as opposed to, you know, drugs or anything else of that nature. And honestly, like, I think as long as I'm aware of it and I'm not consuming coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee to the point where I'm like shaky, jittery, anxious, nervous because sometimes I'll be honest, Kevin, like, I have panic disorder. So like, I get panic attacks and that can trigger a panic attack.

Kevin Hines:
Yeah.

Mak Nichols:
So being aware of stuff like that, and it was something I mean, I didn't know I had that when I was 18, and now I'm so glad that I do, because it's really kind of just impacted the way of how conscious I am of what I'm putting in my body at all times.

Kevin Hines:
I love that very important to shift to the narrative, and you made sure to only drink two cups a day if that and you really got it mostly under control. That's fantastic. When I was in psych wards my first, second and third psych ward, I would have 12 cups of coffee in one day.

Mak Nichols:
12?

Kevin Hines:
12, and they would give you, they would dole out coffee in the psych wards because they knew you'd be quiet, they knew you wouldn't bother anybody because you're so amped up to get the coffee that you're just in your room doing circles in the room, but you're not bothering anybody because they're giving you what you quote-unquote need. I was absolutely addicted to coffee, so I feel your pain. Now I only drink one cup a day, and when I don't have coffee, I don't have the caffeine withdrawals anymore than I used to have. I used to get headaches, like you did. So very true. I totally get that and it is a drug and it does need to be looked at more. And I think more research on how coffee affects the brain needs to be done. I know some of it's been done, but I want to see people researching it themselves so they know how it affects the brain, so they make educated decisions as if they should still be drinking coffee.

Mak Nichols:
When you say that, Kevin, it brings me to the thought of like energy drinks. I mean, think about all the caffeine.

Mak Nichols:
Oh, gosh.

Kevin Hines:
Like, and people are addicted to those. I have friends that can't go a day without drinking, at least like two Monster. I'm like, what? And I know it again, it's a serious addiction not to, you know, call anyone out on their addictions, but the amount of caffeine in those and how it's just like sold like legally every day just blows my mind.

Kevin Hines:
It's so, they're so dangerous for your heart. People have had heart attacks while drinking too many Monsters, drinking too many Red Bulls, it's very dangerous, very serious people have had issues drinking because they mix them with alcohol. It's a whole problem the society has, and it's something that needs to be looked at. Now I want to move on to Chapter 10 because I found this very profound, when you talk about identity and you know, there's a movie, it's called Identity, and it's about the illusion of identity and how we build these purposes up for ourselves when we think that that's who we are, that's all, all that we are. There are people in this world that they have a job and they have that job for 20 years, and thus that's their identity. And when they lose that job or they're retired out, they have no purpose, they have no identity and they don't know who they are because they've been doing that job for 20, 30, 40 years and they don't know what they are outside of that job. And it breaks my heart to see that. But you talk about identity in a bit of a different way. You start with, who am I and why am I here? This is one of the most complex questions we will ever ask ourselves. Everyone agrees that we all have a purpose in life, but unless we take time to know ourselves as individuals, we will never begin to understand the range of possibilities our lives purposes and I like what you said purposes instead of purpose, so there's more than one can contain. There isn't anything I could say that would convince you that you inherently know your purpose on this Earth, that's something you have to find yourself through introspection and exploration, who are you? Identity seems like a daunting topic, especially since others, this is really important, this is what I really attached to others have already tried to identify you themselves. It's like all the people that called you names and said what you were when you were in high school and bullied you, they judged you, and it was a horrible feeling. The instinct to identify the unknown is one of humanity's most basic characteristics, and everyone you meet is a puzzle to install. Unfortunately, things, easier we often classify others in basic, shallow stereotypes. Suddenly, you're a loser, a nerd, gay, fat, goth, the list goes on and on. You may feel limited into these stereotypes others have placed you in, but you need to remember that their opinions are irrelevant. That part hit me. You are not defined by people's first impressions of you. Really a moving few paragraphs there to help people recognize that they can have many purposes in this life. And I totally agree with that notion because people get me on their podcast and they always ask me, what is your purpose? And people even write to me, they'll be like, I'm guessing you're going to say to help people stay alive, or I'm guessing you are going to say, fill in the blank and it's always wrong. My purpose is to be the best husband to my wife, best former dad to my dog Max, who was like my little baby boy, until he passed, best godfather to my godchildren and best son to my mom and dad and best sibling to my siblings and my family, and best cousin to my cousins. Those are my purposes that I hold to be true. A secondary purpose is to travel the world and share my story and try to help people be here tomorrow. And I really believe in having multiple purposes and that we don't all just have one. So thank you for pointing that out. I really enjoyed that part of the book. I want you to describe this next piece, I'm not going to read a part of the book this time. I'm just going to ask you one question, who is Uncle Rick and how did he impact your life?

Mak Nichols:
Okay, great question. So Uncle Rick is a very, very, very, very close family friend, someone who was an awesome athlete. He was so talented, he played my dad, they played against each other, they were rivals, and they would always challenge each other and say, oh, Steve, that's my dad, he's like, oh, Steve, like, I'm going to beat you in this sport, this sport. I mean, they really went at it, and Uncle Rick just was the sweetest guy. At the end of the day, even though they played against each other in sports, they just loved each other. They have the most beautiful, beautiful, beautiful friendship. Unfortunately, he was in a car accident because of a drunk driver, and he became paralyzed. And so in that moment, you know, he could have probably gone pro if that was what he wanted to do, he was that great. And in a blink of an eye, gone, because of someone being stupid and drinking and driving and putting others at risk, and I don't want to say he ruined his life because Rick has found different purposes since then, but he took something from him and he's really done the best that he could to kind of deal with that. And he has been inspiring people ever since. And, you know, the love that he has for people, for himself, and more importantly, helping others, I mean, he wants to be able, his main focus is to really kind of help people who have been paralyzed, walk again. So he does golf tournaments and raises money, and he's been recognized by so many different people. And so he's, he's great. My uncle Rick, love him very much. And just watching him and despite the adversity that he went through and he still in his chair, but seeing the smiles on his face and seeing the way he can light up a room despite what happens still is one of the most beautiful things that I've ever seen.

Kevin Hines:
I love that. Please let from this audience to you, tell Uncle Rick we love him and we're grateful for him because he had such an impact on your life. And obviously, you're a dear friend, so it's really important that that happened. So now moving past the book to talk about what others are going through around the world and what young people are going through around the world, what advice would you give people about leaving a digital footprint and what does that mean? Like, you know, you've done all this working in the fields of mental health and wellness and you've been an activist, you've been an advocate, you even sent pictures to the Moon, you know, tell us about that kind of thing. But what's your advice, you would you give people on leaving a digital footprint and how you, how you've achieved that?

Mak Nichols:
So I think there's two things to really keep in mind when leaving your digital footprint. I mean, obviously, everything you post online is ..., and I think a lot of young people don't think that they're like, oh, it's on Snapchat and oh, it's on this and it disappears. I'm like kiddos, guess what? This technology goes on, it gets smarter than people trying to hack into it, all the stuff, it gets smarter. So really just being aware of what you're doing, what you're posting, because let's be honest, you know, people, you know, the whole cancel culture is a very real thing, like what you said 10 years ago, guess what? It can come back and bite you in the butt. And even if it was up for a second, it was still there. And so you when I talk to kids, I tell them, you know, put your best foot forward. Everything that's online can be traced to you. People look at that when you go for a job interview, I mean, sometimes even before I go to a meeting, I look at people's social profile. I'm like, I want to see who I'm dealing with and all these things. And if you're posting pictures that you just, quite frankly shouldn't be posting, it's like, what does that say about you? And again, I'm not one to judge, but leaving the right impression is so important because people do unfortunately, judge and you don't want them to judge you for not being who you truly are and you don't want someone to be like, oh, well, they posted that, maybe they're not a great person. You shouldn't, no one should ever do that. I mean, you should get to know someone. But unfortunately, in the society we live in, you really have to be careful because people are very quick to judge. So if that being said, I think my digital footprint has really been, originally it was modeling and I had a lot of the modeling photos and all this stuff, and I was like, that's just not me anymore. And it's really just about being transparent, about being authentic and really inspiring people through my own, you know, I don't want to say my own successes, but for the work that I do, because at the end of the day, that's what matters most to me. It's not the modeling, it's not the red carpets, it's not, none of that matters, it's Makaila Nichols is here to help people, and this is how I'm doing it and why. And so I think people can really kind of share what they want others to kind of view the mess and the best way possible. I would encourage them to do so.

Kevin Hines:
Love that. Now, for young people who are listening, whom may be experiencing bullying themselves, what is your best advice for young people that are being bullied on a regular basis?

Mak Nichols:
I think if someone's dealing with bullying that often, I mean, obviously if you're young, tell an adult and I know that's overrated and you don't want to be a tattletale and you don't want this, but if you don't share with someone who loves you and maybe you don't have a mom and dad in your life, there is someone in your life who loves you, and I think we forget that, maybe it's the friend you see that you don't really text often or there has to be someone in your life who or someone who cares, so tell that person because no one knows what you're going through, especially in this world where we all wear masks like someone can look 100 percent fine on the outside, but inside, you know, unfortunately, we can't necessarily see through everyone. And so I would say do not suffer in silence because when we do that, that's when bad things can start to happen, so speak up, tell someone no one is going to judge you for speaking up, in fact, you're probably going to thank you and the people that you tell if they're quick to judge, guess what? You don't want them in your life anyway, but trust, trust yourself and trust the fact that it's OK to need help, I mean, there's nothing wrong with it. So that's kind of my first advice. It's a really just not let, and I hate to say, you know, there's a saying sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. I totally disagree, kind of like those words and everything that we talked about it hurt, but acknowledging that, wow, I'm hurt and something needs to be done about this, there is never a problem in doing so.

Kevin Hines:
So important, that's an important message. And you were silenced for so long with what you went through and some of the things you dealt with, you want people who are growing up now to never be silent, never silence their pain, because it just bubbles and grows until it bursts and things like rage, aggression, violence, substance use, started eating disorders, you know, all these things that we experience. You know, I experienced eating disorder for years while I was wrestling, I damaged my body because of it, and then years after it happened again and again and I had to come back from that and get into a healthy place, a better place, and healthy is a relative term because it's different for every person. I remember watching an interview of yours, actually did it in preparation for this podcast, you talk about body dysmorphia and how people look at the people on social media posting their six pack abs or their tight skin guns, or whatever the case may be, that's not how really what they look like in general. That's what they look like for that picture after they've taken water pills and medication to make them do that, it's not sustainable. It's not a realistic view of what they look like all year round, and it can even be dangerous. So can you talk more about body dysmorphia for the folks who might be listening who don't understand what that is?

Mak Nichols:
Body dysmorphia is something that none of us fully understand, because at the end of the day and I love thinking like this is you will never fully see you and I will never fully see me through someone else's eyes like, yeah, we can look in the mirror and all this stuff, but we don't really see what everyone else sees. And I think at the end of the day, like the mind is the most powerful thing. It can always play tricks on us. And growing up in the fashion industry, I mean, I was being compared to, I was 14 years old, being compared to a full-grown woman who was 22, she has curves, she's fully developed and it was like, look like this, you need to have boobs, you have a butt, you need to have your hair like this, and being a young kid and being told this and now social media, I mean, we're comparing ourselves, and comparison is the thief of joy. And it's horrible to really think I have to look like this. Let then start looking in the mirror and you're like, oh, maybe I do need to look like this, maybe I need to have whether it's a thigh gap or something like people cling to these these horrible standards and for what? At the end of the day, like our body is like literally a temple, and we should be so grateful that it carries us from point A to point B, that we can wake up and we can breathe and that we're alive, and it's like we have allowed social media filters and plastic surgery to get in the way of who we truly are. And I'm a big believer if you want to do something, and you want to get plastic surgery to make yourself feel better, I have no problem with it, but it's when you start saying like, this is the ideal, that's where I have the problem, because these kids are now believing that if they don't look like that, then there is something wrong with them. And that is just not the case.

Kevin Hines:
It's so important for them to hear you say that for a person who's been there really crucial because this I think, this is, this would be good for folks that might want to know what they can do for their kids, with their kids can do for themselves or students, rather. What is your go to self-care activity or activities?

Mak Nichols:
One involves the mirror. So if you have a mirror or even an iPhone, or I don't know anything that has a screen in which you can see yourself, I look in the mirror and tell myself five things that I love about myself, whether it's from having a really bad day. I'm like, Makaila, you woke up today, Makaila, I love the fact that you have this crazy hair today, I love the fact that you make someone smile, I love the fact that you cried because you were overwhelmed, like that says a lot about you for admitting that it's OK to cry, like things like that. Looking at yourself in the eyeballs and saying, I like you because this, it doesn't have to be physical, it doesn't have to be a big, giant thing. It can literally be like you're looking in the mirror right now, that's awesome. Like, if something like that just telling yourself positive things, because I think there's so much negativity that just follows us. So it's really taking hold of that positive moment in the morning or at night or whenever you have a minute to just really kind of clear your head and appreciate five things to really take a moment and just decompress and remind yourself that there is something positive in everything. I also love to just sit in silence, and, you know, when I went to therapy, they taught me the whole thing of you feel where you're sitting, you know, you feel your feet on the floor, you feel your butt in the chair, you feel the weight of your shoulders on your body and really being present in that moment and being like, I'm alive. This is where I'm at, this is a situation that I'm in and focusing on that I think is such a great grounding technique, meditating, breathing, I mean, I do everything under the sun to try to get, to try to get my mentals right, so to speak. But I really am a big believer in positivity and just repeating stuff like that. Affirmations.

Kevin Hines:
I love that, beautiful. It's so great to do that and that that comes along with the idea of reciting, repeat, belief. If you recite positive things about yourself, if you repeat positive things about yourself, eventually you will believe positive things about yourself. In the beginning of this podcast, you talk about how the bullies would recite things, they would repeat things and then you believe them. so the opposite is true. If you say positive things about yourself every single day, you're going to believe them, that's going to become the norm and you're literally retraining you brain's chemistry. Your brain is the single most malleable organ in your body, it can be augmented by the way you talk to yourself and how you have negative inner voice and a positive inner voice. If the positive voice wins, you can survive any pain you go through. Ok, let me ask you this, what is the journey been like starting and founding your own foundation? And tell us, tell us about the foundation, tell us where people can find it, where they can donate shoot, go ahead.

Mak Nichols:
So the Blatantly Honest Foundation is a 501(c)(3), we're really focused on kind of changing the stigma associated with bullying and mental health suicide, and we really want to encourage people to use their voice and to speak up and not be afraid to be who they are. So I've been traveling, I have the coloring books, I go to schools and I speak, and then I have the regular book, Blatantly Honest. And in that moment, Kevin, I was like, that's not enough, I need to do more. So we have a weekly podcast series that comes out, I took a little bit of a hiatus from it for a moment just because I kind of needed to get my mental health right, I was really overwhelmed and I had a podcast going out every week and I was like, you know what? I just need a second. And then doing that, I was like, what else can I do to help people right now? So we did this really awesome, it was crazy how it came about. We're basically we're sending photos of bullied kids to the moon later on this year. The rocket was supposed to go up a couple of months ago, but as we all know, the whole space game is absolutely crazy. But we're sending pictures of bullied kids to the Moon or someone who has died by suicide or children with cancer, we have a whole gamut of beautiful souls going up on this microchip with their photo so they can look up at the Moon or their families or their friends or whomever can really know that they're just not alone.

Kevin Hines:
That's fantastic.

Mak Nichols:
Thank you. So, yeah, so we do stuff like that, and we're really just trying to encourage people to look up, challenge your thinking and challenge your thoughts of you're not alone, you can get through anything, and at the end of the day to, more importantly, look up at yourself. I mean, literally to look up knowing that you can go after anything despite all the adversity that you've gone through. We have an awesome anti-bullying kind of clothing line, and we're really just trying to get people to unite and change the stigma. Because let's be honest, if we all can speak up and all can use our voice, then that's when change happens.

Kevin Hines:
Makaila Nichols, you have been a phenomenal guest on HINESIGHTS podcast. We are so grateful to have you here today with us. Thank you from the bottom of my heart as the host, this is one of my favorite podcasts we've done yet, I'm very grateful, I want everybody to go out and if they haven't read it, get this book, Blatantly Honest, it's worth your time, it's valuable, it means a lot and it's changing lives and I want it to change yours or the kids you love. Makaila, thank you so much.

Mak Nichols:
Thank you so much, Kevin. You are making a difference each and every day, and I appreciate you, my friend, and thank you for allowing me to be on your podcast.

Kevin Hines:
You bet.

Kevin Hines:
Margaret and I love sharing stories of people who have triumphed over incredible adversity. For more content and inspiration, o to KevinHinesStory.com or visit us on all social media at KevinHinesStory or on youtube.com/KevinHines.

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Margaret Hines